As my wife and I start to share more about our adoption journey I thought it was fitting to share a little of my personal journey. My wife has been very open from the time we got married that she would love to adopt, but I on the other hand had other plans. I wanted to start our family and had no desire to adopt at that time. As the months went on and we were not getting pregnant I became disappointed and frustrated with God. Why wasn’t this happening easier for us? Why was my plan of our family not coming to life? These were all questions I had about our situation. Throughout all the challenges we continued to pray for God to show us the way and show us his will for our family.
After church one Sunday in November of 2013 I felt like my heart was changing and God was working inside me preparing me for something bigger. That was the first time in all the months that I finally felt at peace with where we were at. As the months went on we talked about what options we had. In April of 2014 we went in to see our Family doctor. At that meeting we decided to have some test done on me and see if anything came back abnormal. I still remember where I was at when I got the call from the doctor about my results. She was very calm the entire phone call, but she said she would like me to set up another visit with someone else. The results she shared was not good, but I did not get to down yet because the next appointment we would talk about options and what the results meant. I remember leaving school and just taking a half day leave in the morning. I went to the appointment and that is when I found out that I possibly have a form of Klinefelter syndrome. This was devastating news and one of the toughest days of my life. I went back to school after the meeting, but was unable to stay. My principal told me to leave and to take the afternoon for myself. I came home and just cried on the couch. It was one of those times in my life that I felt so sad, but so excited because God had answered our prayers. We had been praying the entire time for him to show us what plans he had for our family. Even though this news was devastating it was also uplifting. Lynn and I grieved that night together, but after that time of grieving we set our hearts and minds on adoption.
The adoption process was another emotional roller coaster. Each month you were just waiting for that phone call from your social worker. We got a call in August of 2015 from our social worker asking if we would like our profile shown to a family. Lynn and I agreed to show it knowing that if God wanted to match us he would. A few weeks went by and Lynn said to me
“I am guessing that family did not choose us for their child.”
I can tell you that this is the toughest thing to hear from your wife. I had to stay strong even though deep down I just wanted to cry. I looked at Lynn and just said
“God has a plan for our family and he will see that plan through.”
Another week or two passed and we got a call on a Monday saying a birth family would like to meet us. I compare this next phase of adoption to the first time I met my wife on our first date. I was nervous for our meeting and wanted to make sure I did not say anything strange that would make her run away. This match meeting is that same way because at this point the birth family knows more about us then we do about them. Our meeting went well and was super casual. We were more nervous than we needed to be. After that meeting the birth family selected us and that is when we started the transition plan for our little boy.
We brought DJ home in November and he officially became a Lape on April 27th, 2016. Our adoption is an open one and we see his birth mom and dad roughly 3-4 times year. Lynn and I feel this is important so that as DJ grows up he will always know the plan that his birth parents made for him. Adoption is not easy and we still have a long road ahead of us, but we are excited to be going down this road with him.
“A mother’s love for her child is like no other love. To be able to put that feeling aside because you want the best for your child is the most unselfish thing I know.”
—Mary, American Adoptions Birth Mother
“[Adoption] carries the added dimension of connection not only to your own tribe but beyond, widening the scope of what constitutes love, ties, and family. It is the larger embrace.”
Lynn, DJ, and I are now in the waiting process of our second adoption. We are excited to bring home a brother or sister for DJ.
First and foremost, we want DJ’s faith in Jesus Christ to grow and mature. We love DJ with a huge type of love that can only be from God. It moves us to tears when we think about how much love God has given us for this special boy. We are also so blessed and thankful for the love and support friends and family have shown us and DJ since bringing him home.
We are so excited to welcome another child into our family to love and raise. We are working with Lutheran Social Services of Sioux Falls and will adopt an infant or baby from here in the United States. Our home study is approved, and we are waiting for a match with a potential birth mother.
How can you help bring home baby Lape?
First and foremost, we ask sincerely for your prayers. Specifically, please pray for both the birth parents and our hearts. We have not been matched with a birth mother yet, but we ask that you pray for the unbelievably courageous and difficult decision ahead of her. Pray that we can show her God’s love in our words, actions and interactions. Please pray for our hearts as we prepare to bring home another child. Pray that we give any worries/anxieties to the Lord, and trust Him to provide in all ways.
Second, we are asking for financial help. Our adoption expenses will total around $21,000. We have a loan out for the first $11,000, and we are hoping to fundraise the remaining $10,000. We have struggled with the idea of fundraising and even questioned if we should fundraise at all. It is hard for us to ask for this help. However, we want to be able to point all the glory to God and not try to pridefully take this journey alone. If you feel that your budget allows, please consider donating toward our fundraising goal. All money raised will go directly to our adoption agency for our remaining adoption fees.
We cannot say THANK YOU enough to all of you who continue to love on us so well with your prayers and support. We cannot wait to see what God has in store and are so grateful that you will be right there with us when we bring our sweet baby home!